What Sophie Said

24 sounds kind of grown up. Didn’t I turn 21 five minutes ago? This year has been a bit action-packed: new job, new city, new house… I cannot wait for a trip away at the weekend. I used to think 24 year-olds would be settled and have their whole lives sorted. I’ve done a lot of learning about myself this year. Those I’d count as the people I’m closest to now aren’t the same list as on my last birthday and that’s ok. I can’t believe it’s a year since my last birthday, one of my absolute favourites (think Wimbledon and amazing friends). Birthdays always feel like a fresh start, with new opportunities. I feel like this is going to be a big year. There are lots of things going on in my brain and lots of plans both arranged and with the potential to happen. I’m going to continue looking after myself. The last month has taught me how important that is. I want to continue exploring. There are so many places even just in the UK I’m desperate to see,...

I'm glad you're here, April. March seemed to last a really, really long time. I've had a little blog break, just because I felt like I needed it. One of the most recent posts I did, Sticks and Stones, took a bit of courage to publish. It had been ready, waiting, for months but pressing publish meant telling people, including those close to me, how much that event had affected me. I'm glad I pressed 'go'. I think I needed to get it out. To make it clear how important it is to think before you speak. After that, I stepped back a bit. I wasn't feeling particularly motivated to write, so rather than force anything I just took some time to breathe. That's the luxury of having a space that is all mine. March was busy, as ever. Work has been busy, and theatre trips have featured, of course. The Maids was pretty spectacular, and Avenue Q was the delight I remembered from first seeing it about four or five years ago (reviews on both to come...). The...

Do you remember that rhyme from the playground, which said ‘words will never hurt me’. It’s not always true. Words have such incredible power, and there’s one comment which was made to me which has stuck with me more powerfully than any physical ‘injury’ I’ve ever had. Sometimes it’s the words that are said, sometimes it’s where the words come from. And sometimes it’s a combination of the two. Words have immense power, and they can be used to inspire every emotion under the sun. There are times when one nice comment can lift your mood after a terrible week. There are comments from friends which make you laugh until you cry. There are words that remind you of treasured moments. There are novels which people re-read again and again to be whisked away to another world. There are non-fiction books to educate, to teach and to inspire. But there are words which hurt. They cause a pain that feels almost physical. And sometimes we say words which ha...

Last year, I made a simple and broad New Year’s resolution, inspired by a blogger I follow who had used it the year before. The resolution was to ‘do more of what makes me happy, and less of what doesn’t’. What I loved about this was that it gave me the power to decide what to do, and how to conduct myself. It made me think before accepting things I was unsure about. It made me value the times I loved, and arrange more of them. And it’s not a resolution you can ‘fail’. If you say you’ll go to the gym a certain number of times a week, for example, and then one week you don’t, you’ve ‘failed’. With my resolution, it was ok to have a bad day, or week, or even period of weeks. You could still get back on track. Because life isn’t always plain sailing, and a year is a long time. But I think this resolution was the perfect continuation of what I had started the year before: starting to make decisions with my happiness and wellbeing in mind. It’s n...

Recently, it was the anniversary of a particular event, or series of events, that happened at a time when I was probably struggling the very most with my anxiety. What the event was doesn’t matter, nor do the specific ins and outs of what happened, but what I wanted to try and put into words was how these dates felt, this year. Firstly, I felt sad. I felt sad that what should have been a really happy occasion and memory is tainted by the way my anxiety made me feel. It completely took over the event, leaving me crying in my room, and escaping for long walks with my dad. Secondly, the emotions and feelings came flooding back. I sat in my room remembering the events. The transportation there and back made me feel trapped like I would never be able to get out. And every minute felt like hours. I was convinced everyone was watching me, noticing what a nervous wreck I was, noticing me trying to slow down my breathing and stop my whole body tensing and shaking. I was c...

Opposite my flat, there is a park. I’ve done a lot of sitting in it, a lot of thinking. In the six months I’ve lived here a lot has changed, lots of decisions have been made, and lots of thoughts have been thought. It’s only small, a combination of grass and trees and flowerbeds, but it’s the first time I’ve had a regular outdoor space that lets me clear my head. The luxury of having it outside my flat is one I’ve made sure I enjoy. One thing I’ve learnt over the past couple of years is how important it is to lend proper time to thinking, to your thoughts. When you go through a period where your thoughts become ‘out of control’, or ‘disordered’, or ‘unhealthy’, you have to reassess the way you deal with those thoughts. My head would be spinning with a thousand things at once, all screaming at me that they were urgent, and none of which I could switch off. In a previous job, I took the decision to walk the 3.5 miles each way, every day, to wo...