Sunday, 2 August 2015

Victoria Park

Opposite my flat, there is a park.



I’ve done a lot of sitting in it, a lot of thinking.

In the six months I’ve lived here a lot has changed, lots of decisions have been made, and lots of thoughts have been thought.

It’s only small, a combination of grass and trees and flowerbeds, but it’s the first time I’ve had a regular outdoor space that lets me clear my head.

The luxury of having it outside my flat is one I’ve made sure I enjoy.

One thing I’ve learnt over the past couple of years is how important it is to lend proper time to thinking, to your thoughts.

When you go through a period where your thoughts become ‘out of control’, or ‘disordered’, or ‘unhealthy’, you have to reassess the way you deal with those thoughts.

My head would be spinning with a thousand things at once, all screaming at me that they were urgent, and none of which I could switch off.



In a previous job, I took the decision to walk the 3.5 miles each way, every day, to work. This was originally motivated by being in a place where anxiety meant I couldn’t step on the bus, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made.

I had spent so long trying so hard to block out my thoughts because they had become too overwhelming, and it wasn’t working.

What I learnt on those walks was how valuable it can be to let those thoughts run wild. Give them a bit of space to speak.

But do it on your terms.



I learnt that I could let those thoughts run their course, and when I got to the office or got home, I could distance myself from them, as I’d had time to work through them.

That time and space for thoughts has now been happening in this park.

A little, quiet sanctuary, with the wind, weekend strollers, and dogs for company.

Space to think, time to think, on my terms.

This is what I have learnt.

And when I move away, in a matter of days, I will find a new space, a new place and new pockets of time.


And the learning process will continue.




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