Where have I been?

I could write a lot here, but a lot of the thoughts in my head don't really have much structure yet.

So really all I'm going to say is it's ok to struggle.

I've spoken on here about my anxiety a number of times, and over the past few years I've been learning to deal with it and control it.

But sometimes you can't control everything.

Sometimes, your thoughts can take themselves a little too far, and the struggle feels a bit too much.

I've spent two weeks doing nothing but attending appointments, reading, writing, and trying to look after myself a bit.

I had become so good at putting on that mask of pretending everything was fine that I had neglected the fact there were still issues there I really needed to work through and couldn't keep ignoring.

About two weeks ago, the anxiety reared its head with full force, and it was a blow to hear that has now been joined by depression.

A blow, but also an explanation, because those I'm close to will know the mixture of the two words is actually a pretty accurate description of what I've been going through.

So there we have it. My mind and my body decided to knock me sideways and tell me I couldn't keep up the act of telling myself I was totally fine.

I've had the days of panic attacks and crying, the days where I've barely managed to eat a couple of hundred calories, and I'm now getting a handle on exactly what I need to do next.

In two weeks, with the support of the most incredible people around me, things have started to turn around. I'm back on the path to doing the right things, to looking after myself and to just letting myself accept that I'm human, and that's ok.

I suppose all I'm trying to say is that it's ok to struggle.

It's ok to need help.

It's ok to ask for that help.

It's ok to look after yourself.

There's a long journey ahead but it's one I'm making knowing I've overcome periods like this one before, and one I'm making knowing I have the support of some amazing people.

So here we go...


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