Friendship.

Friends are the most wonderful thing, but relationships with friends can also cause you the most stress and heartache.

Friendship is like any other relationship - there are two sides to the relationship, human relationships can be tricky and there will always be ups and downs.

I'm fiercely loyal when it comes to friendship, but that often leads to me putting way too much time and effort into relationships that potentially don't need or deserve it.


I'm been thinking about this post for a long time, writing and rewriting it, and I've decided in the end to share the ten lessons I've learned about friendship, particularly over the last four or five years since leaving university and entering the 'real world'.

1. Quality beats quantity every single time. I have lots of people I enjoy spending time with, but have a tiny circle who I'd actually go to when I really need a certain kind of chat or support.
2. Invest in the relationships that really matter to you. I have one friend (of over 10 years, hi Lissie) who I know I can literally speak to about anything and everything and therefore make sure I set aside good chunks of time for a good old catch up, making it a priority.
3. Friends can come from the most unlikely places. My friendships have all come from completely different places, and you never know when that new person you bump into could become a really important part of your life.
4. Different friends have different roles. There's the friend you like having a laugh with, the one you go to for honest advice, the one you discuss a particular hobby with, the one who has known you forever... enjoy the fact they're all different rather than trying to make each fit some kind of structure.
5. Friends are not councillors. By all means have a good heart to heart or ask for advice, but on't try to rely on them to solve all of your problems, and make sure you listen to them as much as they listen to you. 
6. Friends drift apart. Or just change in general. An acquaintance could end up being a much closer friend, and someone you speak to all the time could become someone you just catch up with every few months. There's nothing wrong with that.
7. Be yourself and be honest. This one is twofold: be honest with your friends and don't put on an act, but also be honest about how you feel around that person. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, or you don't feel fully yourself around them, it's ok to pull back a bit.
8. Be a good friend. There's no point moaning about or worrying about the way your friends treat you if you're not being a good friend to them. You be the friend you wish you had. That way, you'll attract great friends into your life. 
9. Get the balance right. Whilst friendships aren't transactional in the traditional sense, it does matter that there's an overall balance of give and take. If one side is doing all of the giving and the other is just soaking up all the benefits, over time that will cause problems. There will always be periods where one friend needs more support than another and that's totally fine, but over a long period of time it should roughly balance.
10. Be a good friend to yourself. Don't rely on getting all the support and entertainment you need from outside sources. Be your own friend and be kind to yourself, too. 

Sophie x