Car journeys: one of my biggest anxiety battles. And some major progress.

This is an element of my anxiety I don't think I've spoken about on here yet, and I guess that's because it's taken a long time to figure out. It's far easier to talk about the issues I've already worked on or feel like I'm getting more on top of than those that make me feel a little lost.

Car journeys.

Travel, in general, but I'll focus on car journeys because this Christmas break confirmed the fact I've made huge progress with this particular panic.

Where did it begin?

My problem with travel emerged very early on in my anxiety. In fact, it was one of the first issues to pop up and at first it was directly related to my emetophobia (a phobia of sickness). The first week my anxiety really reared its head it manifested as though I had some kind of sickness bug.

This was at the time when I used to commute on the train to university, and the nausea made the prospect of stepping onto trains very unappealing - it was the motion combined with the fact I'd be away from home, trapped on the vehicle and not in control of the speed or when the train stopped.

From that week on, I had an issue with travel and it grew and grew.


I developed a huge fear of getting motion sick in the car, despite the fact that after the age of about five or six I would devour whole novels in the car without even a wave of sickness.

I also struggled massively with the lack of control. I wasn't in control of when I could get out of the car for fresh air (if someone else was driving or we were in the middle of a motorway). I had no control over the actions of other drivers. However safe the driver I was with made me feel, that's not enough on roads surrounded by other cars, pedestrians, animals, trees, weather... everything was a potential danger zone.


As with any fear, avoidance makes it worse. So of course I avoided long journeys as much as I could and the fears grew.

Progress 

My issue with car journeys was one of the (many) topics I spent time exploring with the counsellor I saw throughout the second half of 2016. At that time, an extra thing I worried about in the car was our regular trips through the Blackwall Tunnel - I was in a car, I couldn't get out, AND I was underground?! So that was our main area of focus.

He would set me challenges, like not closing my eyes the whole way through the tunnel (don't worry, I was a passenger!), not digging my nails into my clenched fists so hard they'd leave marks and keeping up a conversation through the tunnel.

We would discuss the fact that panicking about bad incidents happening whilst on the road wouldn't make them any more or less likely to happen, so surely it was better not to waste the energy on worrying about things when they'd happen or not happen whether I worried or not?

Gradually. over time, I got a little calmer.

Breakthrough

Over the last year, I've done a few long trips, but none stood out to me more in terms of progress than a six-hour door to door trip to Great Yarmouth last month.

Six hours.

Was I nervous before leaving? Yes.

Did I wear my sea bands (thought to help with motion sickness)? Yes.

Did I check multiple times we could DEFINITELY stop at as many services as I wanted to? Yes.

BUT.

Did I panic at any point on the journey, stop any more often than anyone else would on such a long drive, or catastrophise and let my fears run away with me?  

No, I did not.

Whatever point you're at with your anxiety, however huge any particular issue seems, change will come. 

Keep testing yourself, be consistent and try again after you've struggled.

Things will improve. 

Those first train journeys of panic were about five years ago. This car journey was last month. Sometimes, progress is slow.

But it happens.

Sophie x