What Sophie Said

Hello, July. I’m really, really glad to see you. You’ve always been my favourite month, my birthday month, my happy month. June was really hard. In June I hit a brick wall when it came to my anxiety and depression and I had to press reset. I spent two weeks sleeping, reading, learning. I returned to work. I’m building up my food intake. I’m building healthy habits. I’m learning to cope. But it’s been a hard, hard month. There have been achievements during it and I’ve learned an awful lot, but I’m ready for the fresh feel of a new month. I’ve come out of June with a new outlook. Rather than masking my problems and pretending I’m fine, I need to tackle them properly. Fully. For good. Take on those deep-rooted issues I’ve spent three years just masking and ‘getting on with’. It’s been hard, and there’s a long road ahead, but long term these changes will make a huge difference to my health and my happiness. So, July. I’m glad to see you....

It seems an appropriate day to share a story about my dad. Soon, I'll fill you in a bit on why there's been two weeks of silence... but right now it's a space for a story about my dad. Or rather, a story about my dad and me. Of both of us, of a period of 15 months where we were both father and daughter, and boss and employee. When I first graduated, I worked for my dad for just under a year and a half, and in that period we learned a lot about each other and about ourselves. Not only were there new boundaries to navigate, and the need to establish that line between work time and family time, but I was in a period where I was struggling. Towards the end of university was when my anxiety first decided to properly rear its head, and the Sophie that was working with dad then was not the Sophie of now or the Sophie of six months before. I was cautious. I was apologetic, I had forgotten what my talents were, where my strengths lay and how strong I could be. We wer...

On this day thirty years ago my parents said ‘I do’. My mum looked beautiful. Dad had a dodgy moustache and wasn’t sure the correct way to kneel down during the marriage ceremony. Thirty years on, they’re celebrating their love on an incredible trip around Sri Lanka. They’re in love, and they’re the best of friends. I have so much admiration for the two people I call Mum and Dad, and their relationship is just one of the things I have been so lucky to grow up around. They laugh. They bicker. They support. They mess about. They make plans. They go on adventures. They go on dates. They have ‘couple friends’ and their own friends. They both run their own companies and support each other relentlessly through the ups and downs that come with that. They taught my sister and me so much of what we know. They put us through fantastic schools and helped us continue on to our universities. They help us when we need advice, or are struggling.  Th...

A relaxing Sunday post felt necessary today, after another busy old week. The first full week back to work is always a tough one, and I was ready for a slow weekend! My dad’s birthday, back in October, offered a perfect excuse to head home for the weekend, and one of the things we did was a woodland walk from Hare Hill to Alderley Edge and back, pausing for cake in the middle of course. I wanted to share some of these pictures because it was the most beautiful day: sunny yet chilly. Where are your favourite outdoor spaces?

December is such an exciting month, full of merriment and friends and family, and of course it features Christmas. Here are my ten favourite things about the final month of the year: Family time. My family are great, simple as. Advent calendar chocolate for breakfast. Why does chocolate taste ten times better when it’s been hidden behind a cardboard and foil window? Christmas songs. I know they’re cheesy, but I love them. Christmas carols. I love singing them at the top of my voice in Christmas services. Giving presents. There’s nothing nicer than being able to treat the people you care about Christmas decorations. Everything is so bright and sparkly! The gatherings. The chance to get dressed up and have a good old catch-up with friends and family. Christmas jumpers. They’re so warm and so cheesy: perfect. The mood. People seem so excited, and happy to be heading off for a break from ‘normal life’. The traditions. There’s something so cosy and comforting about family Ch...

Hello, December. You’ve raced towards us, this year. I always look forward to December. I’m a summer girl through and through, but December holds a special place. It’s so Christmassy. Bright. Festive. Busy. Full of family. Full of friends. Full of excitement. I get an overwhelming mixture of emotions in December. I had a couple of strange ones. In one, I was home after my first term of university, where I wasn’t happy. That December/ January, my sister was really poorly. I didn’t like that year. In another, I felt nauseous. A lot. I was convinced I had some kind of bug, but couldn’t figure it out. Chewing gum (the minty taste) kept me going through social outings. That was third year of uni. A couple of months later, it became clear that had been the first signs of my anxiety taking hold. In another December, I was struggling, probably at one of the worst parts of my panicking. I had to leave the room during a family gathering. I ate next to nothing...

Another thing I love about Christmas is the amount of parties and gatherings, and getting the chance to catch up with people you maybe see less often. Especially now, about 18 months after graduating, when the majority of my friends are only all in the same place for a relatively short time. On the 20th, we got started with a Christmassy evening at my house. House decorated... The baby sister and me Christmassed up... It was a relaxed festive evening with some of my favourites. And Max definitely won at Christmas with his Santa onesie. A couple of days later it was time for the annual Hawker Christmas Drinks. Glasses ready... Family ready... (Jess is pretty much my parents' third daughter so she's the extra brunette on these ones!) Mum and dad spent time perfecting what they've named the #champagneselfie And then Baz's Christmas Quiz turned the atmosphere competitive... ...

For me, September has always felt like more of a ‘New Year’ than January, probably because of the way the academic years were arranged at school and university. So with that in mind, tomorrow is day number one of a new year. I’m in a very, very different place to where I was this time last year. I’m not going to ramble on, but I want to highlight a couple of things so I can look back at it this time next year. I’m returning to this lovely little blog space, having fallen out of love with it for a while when my head was feeling muddled by a lot of things. I’m making a lot of plans work-wise, looking ahead and pushing myself. I’m finally learning to drive, and with my theory done I just need to get the practical test out of the way. I’m no longer in the relationship I was in this time last year. It had lasted for five and a half years, but you’re a very different person when you’re 16 compared to when you’re 22, and for this place I’m in now, certain things wer...

Just a quick post tonight as I'm trying to sort through a lot of things all at the same time, and get some work done for my marketing course. So. Here's what's on my mind. My baby sister is moving to MADRID. Well she's not a baby, she's 18, but that's not really the point... I'm unbelievably hugely excited for her, and she will have the most incredible time... But yesterday dad booked her one-way flight to Madrid for September and I suddenly felt a little bit funny in my tummy. That's a whole other country. You have to go on a plane to get there. Isn't that weird? She's always been in my house, or down the road, or a short train away when I was at university. It's going to take some adjusting, and dad has begun to call her 'Kittypleasedontgo'. She's flying out on Sunday for a month, then coming home for a month, and then it's the big move! She's an adventurer and an explorer and I know she'l...

This post has taken me a while to put together, simply because my life has been taken over by essays, my dissertation, and trying to plan for life after university! Anyway, on Easter Sunday, my mum’s side of the family all came for lunch, and my parents decided it was the perfect time to sort through huge boxes and suitcases of photo albums and other memories that have been filling up our garage. The collection has grown as we have acquired collections from my grandparents and from great aunties, so going through them with the whole family present seemed appropriate. At the gathering was me, my sister and my parents, my Auntie Anne with fiancée Will, Auntie Jane and Uncle Bill, Auntie Elaine and Uncle Mark, and Great Auntie Jane with husband David. A lovely full household of Tophams (my mum’s maiden name). Baby Sophie, looking like I'm wrapped in a cloud A picture I now love which I discovered of me and my lovely grandparents, who are no longer with us. Very, very spe...