What Sophie Said

I've never been great at the whole fitness thing. I used to swim when  was younger, and that was then replaced by dancing. My parents weren't the kind of parents to let us just laze around in front of the tv all weekend so we would go for walks and be out in the fresh air. I'm happy walking to and from places where that's an option. In fact, in my first job out of university, I used to walk to work, which was 3.5 miles each way! Anyway, I think what I'm trying to say is I've always had some kind of activity going on, but I've never had a 'regime' of my own, where  self-motivate and actually do the work myself. When I left school and university and the dancing stopped, I realised no one was going to tell me what to do any more, but that in itself didn't push me to change too far. When I lived in Darlington, there was a pay-as-you-go gym and I think I went a grand total of three times in the two years I lived there. I went through a p...

Just a quick post today, but one to say: I think I've cracked it. The whole 'being healthy' thing. As in, I've not changed my life, but the willpower and motivation I've been lacking have made an appearance. For a while now, the last 6 to 12 months in particular, I've not been feeling great. I've defaulted to foods I know aren't good for me, my only exercise has been walking to and from the tube, and I wasn't really doing anything about it. But I was sad about it. I was complaining about it. Maybe internally, but I knew I wasn't happy. I felt lethargic, heavy, unfit. My clothes all felt just a tiny bit too tight. But in the last couple of weeks, something has clicked, Rather than moaning and making half-hearted attempts to change, I've committed. I know changing my bad habits will take time, but the willpower is there. Something inside me has said 'enough is enough'. Last week, I was turning down cake, biscuits...

Hopefully, if you’re heading back to university this January to begin your second term, you’re excited. However, I know from personal experience that the return after your first Christmas home can be a tricky one. If you’re having any kind of doubts or nerves at all, that’s ok. I’m writing this because that’s what I needed to hear. For some, thoughts of returning to uni are unappealing because of exams, or because Christmas has reminded them how much they love being at home. For some people, that apprehension runs a lot deeper, and it can be something people struggle to talk about. Personally, I think one of the very worst things about university is everyone telling you it will be ‘the best years of your life’. There are many amazing things about the university experience. But that’s all anyone speaks about, so if you don’t feel that way, it can be a confusing time. Why am I the ‘only one’ not loving it? Why am I having these doubts? Why do I not feel l...

Before moving to London, my only experience of living with strangers was in my first year of university, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Before my move to London in August this year, I had been living alone. I loved living alone. The freedom. The space that was totally my own. The chance to be ‘selfish’ – as in, to do what I wanted, at whatever time I wanted. Not having to run plans past anyone. Not having to share any rooms or cooking equipment. Not having to think twice about having friends over. Being able to wander round the house or cook or shower at all times, on those nights I can’t sleep. Can you tell I miss it? I absolutely loved living on my own. However, that’s just not an option now I’m in London. And don’t get me wrong, my living situation could be much worse than it is. My room is big, my rent is reasonable (BY LONDON STANDARDS), and the other people in the house are friendly. I’m also the only one who uses the...

I feel like I did a lot of ‘growing up’ over 2015. I learned a lot about myself, about what I want to do, and about where I want to be. One of the things I’ve really been trying to improve on is the way I handle my money. I’m a few months into a new job, a few months into a new city, and a few months into a new living space. I moved to London, which has made the whole money situation even more necessary to think about. Growing up, I was always the one who spent my pocket money as soon as I got it. I did once save a decent amount in my Building Society account, but then spent the majority of it on adopting an orca (a kind of whale) for one year, aged 10. I’ve improved over the course of university and my first couple of years of working, but there are definitely still improvements to be made. Recently, I’ve begun trying to switch my brain out of short-term mode, and focus on both long and short-term when it comes to my money. Throw in the fact that I’m g...

Recently, it was the anniversary of a particular event, or series of events, that happened at a time when I was probably struggling the very most with my anxiety. What the event was doesn’t matter, nor do the specific ins and outs of what happened, but what I wanted to try and put into words was how these dates felt, this year. Firstly, I felt sad. I felt sad that what should have been a really happy occasion and memory is tainted by the way my anxiety made me feel. It completely took over the event, leaving me crying in my room, and escaping for long walks with my dad. Secondly, the emotions and feelings came flooding back. I sat in my room remembering the events. The transportation there and back made me feel trapped like I would never be able to get out. And every minute felt like hours. I was convinced everyone was watching me, noticing what a nervous wreck I was, noticing me trying to slow down my breathing and stop my whole body tensing and shaking. I was c...

I’m changing up my TV habits. The thing is, I realised fairly recently quite how many hours I spend watching TV shows and it is honestly shocking. It’s my default to ‘put something on in the background’, and whilst I still do this with YouTube videos or music, there’s more of a feeling of being able to dip in and out of things. A TV series is a commitment. Once I’m into a programme, I need to watch every episode. I need to know when the new season starts. I need to watch the latest episode before anyone on Twitter spoils it for me. And the problem with Netflix is there’s always a new series to watch. And all of the episodes are ready and waiting. Binge-watching has almost become a sport. The release of a new season of Orange is the New Black leads to the update tweets of how many episodes people have stormed through by the end of the first morning. And it can be hard to turn down that temptation when the next episode is all cued up and ready to go. You don’t ev...

Well, today has been a long old day. A 4-hour car journey brought me to my temporary home, a ‘stop-gap’ whilst I find a room to move into. I’m unpacked, I’ve learned the ropes and found the nearest tube station, coffee shop and supermarket. So here we go… New city. New room. New job. New routines. It’s here! And it’s time to get started… Just let me have a good sleep first! Zzzzzz…..

Hello, August. I feel like you’re going to be a great month this year. I’m moving to London. I’m starting my new job. That’s two pretty huge things. Exciting things. I’ll be making new plans, new memories, settling into new routines. Meeting new people, taking on new responsibilities, learning new things. Exploring new places, visiting new attractions, taking in new sights. Visiting old friends, meeting new ones. Finding my feet in the Big City. Swapping hourly trains for tubes travelling minutes apart. Swapping a quiet town for a bustling city. August, I’m excited.

I was in the strangest of moods last night. I had excess energy in my body that I could almost feel waiting in my limbs. Like a physical presence, making me feel like I needed to do something big to get it out. I felt on high alert, or on edge, or like I was waiting for something, when nothing was about to come. It’s a feeling I’ve not felt in a pretty long time, months and months in fact. And I wanted to write it down as a reminder of progression, of moving forward, and of changing. Because that feeling was a part of me almost 24 hours a day about 2 years ago. I’ve mentioned my anxiety on here before, but only a mention, as I didn’t (and still don’t) feel in a position where I’m ready to talk about the whole thing. I’m still here only talking about moments. But let me return to last night. It was a mixed-up bundle of feelings. I’m in a state of limbo. There is so much uncertainty, but it is leading to so much excitement. I’m looking for a job. I’m looking ...

‘You’re so brave’ 'Now's the time to do it!' ‘That’s so exciting’ ‘Do you know what you’re going to do?’ These four phrases have been repeated at me on a loop for the past few weeks.  I guess you could say I’ve made a couple of ‘BIG DECISIONS’. I’ve left my job, and I’m moving to London.  I don’t know where I’ll live yet. And I don’t have a job yet. Those things are TBC. They’re works in progress. Determining their answers is the purpose of the next couple of weeks. I’ve never really put myself in a position before where I don’t know precisely what is coming next. I take a lot of comfort from having plans, from having dates in the diary and concrete goals I know I can achieve. I didn’t take a gap year. I’ve not been travelling. I feel like I’ve always followed a very safe route, and done what I expected myself to do. But recently I’ve realised those goals were goals I created a few years ago, and actually those goals have changed.  M...

I’ve always been afraid of change. Maybe fear isn’t the right way to describe it, but I’ve been resistant to change. Reluctant to upset the balance of things. Nervous to veer away from what’s comfortable, what’s familiar, what’s secure. But things have been changing. They’ve been changing pretty rapidly and I think I’m learning to go along with it. In the space of a few months, I’ve started a new job and moved house – just a couple of tiny changes there! And I’ve been allowing myself to be a bit picky, and choose to spend time with and talk to the people who matter most. And do the things I really enjoy, not just the things expected of me, because they’re ‘what I’ve always done’. Will I ever be the most impulsive person in the world, or not be a stickler for planning, or throw all caution to the wind and be completely reckless? No. But what I will do is say ‘yes’. Yes to exploring. Yes to adventuring. Yes to wondering, and to wandering. ...

For me, September has always felt like more of a ‘New Year’ than January, probably because of the way the academic years were arranged at school and university. So with that in mind, tomorrow is day number one of a new year. I’m in a very, very different place to where I was this time last year. I’m not going to ramble on, but I want to highlight a couple of things so I can look back at it this time next year. I’m returning to this lovely little blog space, having fallen out of love with it for a while when my head was feeling muddled by a lot of things. I’m making a lot of plans work-wise, looking ahead and pushing myself. I’m finally learning to drive, and with my theory done I just need to get the practical test out of the way. I’m no longer in the relationship I was in this time last year. It had lasted for five and a half years, but you’re a very different person when you’re 16 compared to when you’re 22, and for this place I’m in now, certain things wer...