A small win: fighting health anxiety
This morning, I went to the doctors.
That might sound like a bit of a non-event, but as I've charted so much of my mental health journey and achievements on here, I wanted to write about today's little win.
About a month or so ago, I received a letter telling me I had never had one of the booster jabs I should have had when younger, inviting me to go in and have it.
At first, I assumed they had made a mistake. I called mum to find out if she could remember, but she said she'd never have deliberately skipped one. Then I called the GP and got the answer I didn't want: the letter was correct, and it was injection time.
This all sounds a bit dramatic.
But to me, it was.
Health anxiety has been a pretty huge feature of the past four or five years, for me.
I've been through periods where hearing somebody miles away was ill would break me out in a cold sweat, believing I felt all their symptoms.
Winter working in an office was awful every year, as I spent days thinking I was catching everything, believing I could physically see the germs flying around the room.
It led to a lot of the issues with my eating; I believed certain foods could make me unwell, so I just cut them out. The list grew longer and longer.
I booked my appointment, and a few days before, I postponed it. I told myself it was because it had fallen on an awkward day, which it sort of had but I definitely could have shuffled things around. I was scared.
I hate sitting in a doctor's waiting room, thinking I'm catching the illnesses of every person in the room.
I was scared I would have some kind of awful reaction to the injection itself.
I was telling myself all sorts of stories that picked up speed and grew lives of their own.
And then I remembered: things are different now.
I've come a long way with my health anxiety. It's nothing like it was even a year ago. I can stay much more calm even when physically in a room with someone who is unwell and potentially 'contagious'.
I'm perfectly capable of getting this tiny little injection done.
(Plus, I read a bit about measles, mumps and rubella and decided I 100% did NOT want any of those!)
My new date rolled around - today - and I've had an anxious couple of days. Anxious, but not to the extreme. It didn't consume every thought and it didn't grow to unmanageable levels.
Yesterday, my friend offered to come with me, to distract me during the waiting room minutes that are always the worst bit.
The nurse was wonderful. My opening words were 'No offence to you but I really, really don't want to be here'. When I explained how I felt, she told me all about why I was having it, why I hadn't had it before and she did a countdown so I knew exactly when it would be in my arm and how long for.
And it was over.
Hours later, I've got a dead arm. That's about it.
It may have been a tiny, everyday thing for some people.
For me, going there and getting that done, staying relatively calm and not bursting into tears or shaking all over... that's a HUGE breakthrough.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Sophie x
That might sound like a bit of a non-event, but as I've charted so much of my mental health journey and achievements on here, I wanted to write about today's little win.
About a month or so ago, I received a letter telling me I had never had one of the booster jabs I should have had when younger, inviting me to go in and have it.
At first, I assumed they had made a mistake. I called mum to find out if she could remember, but she said she'd never have deliberately skipped one. Then I called the GP and got the answer I didn't want: the letter was correct, and it was injection time.
This all sounds a bit dramatic.
But to me, it was.
Health anxiety has been a pretty huge feature of the past four or five years, for me.
I've been through periods where hearing somebody miles away was ill would break me out in a cold sweat, believing I felt all their symptoms.
Winter working in an office was awful every year, as I spent days thinking I was catching everything, believing I could physically see the germs flying around the room.
It led to a lot of the issues with my eating; I believed certain foods could make me unwell, so I just cut them out. The list grew longer and longer.
I booked my appointment, and a few days before, I postponed it. I told myself it was because it had fallen on an awkward day, which it sort of had but I definitely could have shuffled things around. I was scared.
I hate sitting in a doctor's waiting room, thinking I'm catching the illnesses of every person in the room.
I was scared I would have some kind of awful reaction to the injection itself.
I was telling myself all sorts of stories that picked up speed and grew lives of their own.
And then I remembered: things are different now.
I've come a long way with my health anxiety. It's nothing like it was even a year ago. I can stay much more calm even when physically in a room with someone who is unwell and potentially 'contagious'.
I'm perfectly capable of getting this tiny little injection done.
(Plus, I read a bit about measles, mumps and rubella and decided I 100% did NOT want any of those!)
My new date rolled around - today - and I've had an anxious couple of days. Anxious, but not to the extreme. It didn't consume every thought and it didn't grow to unmanageable levels.
Yesterday, my friend offered to come with me, to distract me during the waiting room minutes that are always the worst bit.
The nurse was wonderful. My opening words were 'No offence to you but I really, really don't want to be here'. When I explained how I felt, she told me all about why I was having it, why I hadn't had it before and she did a countdown so I knew exactly when it would be in my arm and how long for.
And it was over.
Hours later, I've got a dead arm. That's about it.
It may have been a tiny, everyday thing for some people.
For me, going there and getting that done, staying relatively calm and not bursting into tears or shaking all over... that's a HUGE breakthrough.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Sophie x
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